Esther the Redeemer

I missed my mom at our Seder on Saturday.

This was the second year without having her with us, at the table or somewhere, living.  Last year was a disaster, I was a wreck. I had to leave our table for part of the evening.  This year, as will happen, the pain doesn’t go away but it fades, and I function, and I am generally back to being a happy person.  Until we got to the part of the reading that goes like this, “Esther the redeemer..”.. Yes, her name was Esther. And it was my turn to read when we got to that part. And I suddenly saw my mom’s smiling face in front of me as was typical every time we came to that passage throughout the years.  And that was when I felt the emotional stab.  Like a gut punch. But more like a stab.

I went for a solitary hike on Sunday afternoon to round out what was a lovely weekend (minus one gut punch-stab) and thought about Esther. A lot. She suffered a lot of loss in her life: Her own father at a young age, her husband at a young age, her youth as autoimmune disease took over her body, maybe even me, one of her daughters, as I moved far away and we saw each other less.  I think about her a lot during my studies.  My focus is on nutrition.  Hers was not.  Nutrition would have helped her pain – both physical and psychic.  As I go through my program I see at every turn, something that would have helped my mom: Balancing her diet, adding vitamins and booster foods where she was depleted, supporting her adrenals, her pancreas, her liver, her hormones… In the end, I know that I couldn’t “fix” her all by myself, or maybe at all.  There has to be a point where you take some responsibility for your own health, even if you need a support system around you to do it.  I really love being that support system for others who want to live healthier, happier, lives.

After all of my ruminating, this year ended up as one of my favorite Passover dinners in recent memory. The kids are getting older and there was a lot of thoughtful discussion, and a lot of laughter. A lot of warm memories from years past. New ones being formed. And a lot of tasty, nutritious food, combined with some less-nutritious treats tossed in for good measure.  That’s my kind of holiday meal.

*One of the nutritious & delicious parts of our meal: Butternut Squash-Tahini Spread 

There is a photo of this goodness on my Instagram feed.  Check it out and hit me up for the recipe if you’d like.  It doesn’t taste like it’s good for you!   Also, I’ll be starting a newsletter with monthly recipes so stay tuned!

Butternut Squash-Tahini Spread

1 large butternut squash (approx. 2.5 lbs.), peeled & cut into chunks

3 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp cinnamon

5 tbsp tahini

½ c Greek yogurt

2 cloves garlic, crushed

1 tsp white sesame seeds

1 tsp black sesame seeds (if on hand)

1.5 tsp date syrup (or pomegranate molasses if no date syrup, however the pom molasses will be more tart and less savory, as long as that’s appealing; I like both).

2 tbsp chopped cilantro

Salt

Directions 

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Add squash to a roasting pan, pour the olive oil and add the cinnamon + ½ tsp salt. Mix well, cover the pan (foil), and roast for 70 minutes. Stir once during cooking. Remove from the oven and allow to cool.

Transfer the squash to a food processor along with the tahini, yogurt, and garlic. Pulse until combined into a coarse paste, without becoming too smooth. You can also hand-mash if no food processor.

Spread the butternut in a wavy pattern over a flat plate and sprinkle with the sesame seeds, drizzle the syrup, and finish with cilantro. Enjoy!